a not-so super hero

One of my mom’s favorite things to complain about is “bureaucracy”. It’s too big, it’s too inefficient, it’s a good-ol’-boys’ network…yada yada yada. She does NOT complain, however, when her monthly checks come from the government, nor does she complain when she goes to the store to purchase safe foods and drugs. She likes her roads. She likes her open airwaves. I think she just likes to complain.

Here’s the thing: the ultimate check on bureaucracy is ME. YOU. THEM. US. WE. As is in “We the People, in order to form a more perfect union…”. To break it down, it doesn’t say “to form THE perfect Union.” It doesn’t say “that guy over there is gonna do the work”. It says WE THE PEOPLE. Singular. As in “get your crap together because we’re all in this together.” So, let’s break it down kindergarten style.

We elect the President. The President has run on a platform of increasing mandatory recycling. We obviously LIKE that, because, like I said, WE ELECTED HIM. So, he forms a commission to work on ways of making us all really happy about recycling our old underwear. The commission comes back and says, “Yep. We figured it out. We need an agency to regulate the buying, selling and recapturing of old undies.”

The President then goes to Congress. Who? That’s right…those OTHER guys WE elected. The President says, “We need to recycle old skivvies or the world will END on Thursday.” Congress gets their skivvies in a bunch and agrees to pay for the Commission on Previously Enjoyed Thongs (CPET). We are now funding this club of panty-sniffers. How? We ELECTED them.

In steps some person who thinks that his underwear drawer is of no consequence to either the environment nor Uncle Sam. He files a lawsuit, dirty drawers and all. SO…

The Supreme Court, whom we did NOT elect, but was appointed by some guy that we DID elect, says, “Sorry buster, its Necessary and Proper for you to recycle those tidy whities. Off to the green bucket with your shorts.”

This guy who wants to keep his shorts to himself is really upset now. He gets his buddies together and they form an alliance of citizens committed to doing whatever they want with their drawers. They sign petitions. They circulate those petitions. They call their Congressmen, informing them that they will NOT be re-elected if they continue on their panty raid. Fox News and CNN have a fist-fight about it, Geraldo gets another broken nose, its great. Larry King does interviews nearly nude to show his support. or…lack. there.of. 🙂

The outcome: due to public outcry and the expense (I mean, really, is $1trillion necessary?) the CPET members are now out of work. Soon they will be employed trying to figure ways of taxing oxygen, M&M’s, and SpaceGhost re-runs: all vital to human survival.

Do you see? WE control bureaucracy. WE are in charge of OUR government. Any other attitude is just lazy. Keep your undies to yourself…write to your congressman.

(paid for by The Alliance for Keeping Panties Off the Curb)
Amy W.


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