…it’s…i just…you see…there just aren’t words…

Today I made Eugenia’s Mole’.  I feel as if I’ve died and gone to Food Heaven.  Eugenia’s Mole‘ is sooo…it’s fantastically…its like… (((sigh))) There are no adjectives to fully convey the Wonderous Magic that is -fanfare here- Eugenia’s Mole’.

Remember the first time you made Thanksgiving Dinner by yourself?  Do you remember that Grown-Up, The Torch Has Been Passed feeling of fear, wonderment, and power?  That’s how I feel right now.  I feel as if I’ve seen a unicorn or a white buffalo or Dwight Eisenhower…and then got to hang out with them for a while on my front porch.

It’s red.  Sort of.  It’s spicey.  A little.  It’s meaty.  It’s saucy.  It’s flippin’ AWESOMENESS in a blender.  You need to make it in order to attain any sort of peace in your life and that’s all you need to know.  Eugenia said I could tell you how it’s made, so that means  you owe Eugenia a Blood Debt.  If Eugenia calls you in the middle of the night, you have to bail her out of jail and take her to breakfast at Denny’s.  Eugenia is giving you something Sacred.  If you screw it up, I’ll beat the crap out of you.

The Stuff You’ll Need: a good blender with a large capacity and varying speeds; a hammer; a large, heavy bottomed pot; rubber gloves, if you don’t like to handle chili peppers with your fingers.  Wuss.

The Grub You’ll Need: a soup chicken, simmered in water with some salt and pepper for a couple of hours; 6 ancho chilis (dried, seeded), 3 California chilis (dried, seeded), 2 circles Abuelita chocolate, 1/2 banana, 2 corn tortillas (roughly torn into pieces), a handful of peanuts, about 3/4 cup toasted sesame seeds, 6 bay leaves, salt and pepper to taste.

What You’ll Do: tear up the peppers into rough pieces about the size of a potato chip; put the chilis in a large bowl and cover with some of the chicken stock.  Let them soak for  a couple of hours, until the stock turns red/brown and the chili pieces plump up a bit.  While they’re soaking, toast your sesame seeds and beat the tar out of your chocolate (this is an added stress reliever and also frieghtens small children away) until its in rough chunks.  Eat the other half of the banana.  Sit and ponder your good fortune at having access to such a treasured recipe.  After the chilis have soaked: put the chilis in the blender and blend until they make a paste.  You may need to add some chicken broth here, and if you do, use the red stuff that the chilis soaked in.  Then, throw all the other ingredients into the blender, too (peanuts, sesame seeds, bay leaves, banana, tortillas, some salt & pepper), and spoon in enough of the red broth to just barely cover everything.  Blend.  Blend.  Blend.  Be sure you keep your hand on top of the lid. Blend. Blend.  There!  You are on your way!  Now, be sure there’s a little chicken broth left in the pot, , maybe about an inch or two (if there’s more than that, pour it out.)  You’re going to add the mole’ mixture from the blender into this pot of chicken and broth; you’re going to simmer it on low heat for about an hour. Let me remind you: if you screw this up, I will beat the crap out of you. Do not boil this.  Do not scorch this.  Do not get on FaceBook and forget that you have Unicorn Juice on the stove.  Occasionally tear pieces of the chicken off the bones and swirl them around in the sauce.


Serve this with tortillas and fresh salsa.  Or you can do what I did and stand over the pot like some deranged witch from MacBeth, cackling and grinning with red sauce staining your lips.

Thank you, Eugenia.  I hope I’ve made you proud.

2 thoughts on “…it’s…i just…you see…there just aren’t words…

  1. “Or you can do what I did and stand over the pot like some deranged witch from MacBeth, cackling and grinning with red sauce staining your lips.”
    This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. You are too much.

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