Blarney

Once upon a time, about two and a half or three years ago, there was a handsome Army dog named Distelrath.  Distelrath was a Belgian Malenois who’s coat was so shiny and his ears so keen that he was promoted to Staff Sergeant.  His handler looked forward to working with Distelrath every day because they made a fine team.  They jumped out of helicopters together, they searched for bombs together, and after a particularly rough day of training, they would sometimes share a Guinness.  The handler loved Distelrath so very much that he had his picture tattooed on his chest, for Distelrath had saved the life of his handler many times.

One day, Distelrath was out for a jog when he saw, to his amazement, a lovely, red, strong creature bounding over the confidence courses with ease.  The strength and curve of the tail that swept over the highest of fences made Distelrath give chase.  What he found was a female kangaroo, wearing the crest of the Australian Special Forces.

Maggie, showing off her mad jumping-and-messing-up-the-glass skills

This kangaroo was more lovely than anything Distelrath had ever seen on his adventures.  The muscles in her hind legs were defined and glistened with strength.  Her long fore-fingers were sharp and painted red with the blood of her enemies.  Her tail was as a tree trunk, thick and mighty.  The kangaroo batted her long, silky eyelashes and said, “G’day.  M’name’s Bonnie.” …and they fell in love.  On their dates, they shared Distelrath’s favorite beverage: a Guinness, extra stout.  They were married in a terribly romantic ceremony at the Airborne Chapel; there was a Tunnel of Swords, though none dared give Bonnie the traditional swat on her hind end.  A few months later, Bonnie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Maggie.  She was born on St. Patrick’s Day.

Sadly, Maggie’s parents are off doing Army stuff, both for the Americans and the Aussies.  They entrusted her to the Army, knowing they would find the perfect home for such a dog who can jump over 6 foot privacy fences, eat a shoe in a single sitting, and make bullies cry with a whop of her tail. We adopted Maggie a little over a year ago and she is, truly, a Good Dog.

...demonstrating her relation to the kangaorsed, although she admits, she's never been to Australia in her life...

Maggie misses her parents, but she knows they are heroes, traveling the globe and doing Good Deeds.  She is proud of her parents, as she should be.

...she blushes...

So happy birthday, Your Ladyship-Maggie Moo.  We love you.

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