In Which I Lose Readers and/or Get Laughed At By Lawyers

(Dear Celeste: please try really hard not to laugh at me. Rolling your eyes is fine, though. Thank you. Love, Me.)

So, here’s where I probably piss you off:

I think its perfectly okay for restaurants and other businesses to have “no kids allowed” policies.

Yes, I have kids. Yes, I like taking them places. Yes, I have to feed them, sometimes in public. Yes, I’ve been asked to leave a store because I had a toddler in tow.

No, I don’t like everyone’s kids. No, I don’t think everyone’s kids are cute. No, I don’t always like my kids or think they’re always cute. No, I didn’t slash the tires of the snot who kicked me out of her store.

Restauranteurs are business owners, simple as that. As business owners in a republic such as ours, they can run that business as they see fit. They choose their product, their location, and their clientele. They choose their menus, their wine lists, and their signage.

If you don’t particularly care for blanquette de veau, well, then you’d just better stay away from that French place downtown. If you don’t want to endure second hand smoke, you can Google restaurants in your area which are strictly non-smoking. You can take your money, or not, wherever you choose based on your personal desire.

The fact is, when I take my kids out to eat, I spend more money than if its just The Husband and me. 5>2. See there? I’m not completely worthless at math. The restaurant that chooses to omit a large portion of our population is exercising its capitalist right to do so. Again, I say: capitalism is not democracy, is not a republic, is not up for a popular vote. They’re missing out on money, to be sure. (unless its one of those places with no prices on the menu, in which case, neither my children nor I could afford to walk in the snooty, Chanel scented door.) They are not, however, missing out on the point of a free market society.

Would I eat at a restaurant that doesn’t allow children? No. I’m not going to support that kind of elitist, prejudicial, and intolerant behavior.

I’m also not in favor of flag burning, Ugg boots, public intoxication, hang nails, my sophomore year of high school, split ends, Guy Fierri, soy-based cheese, the “American Pie” movies, lobotomies, McDonald’s, mom jeans, Guns and Roses, wedge heeled shoes, Paris Hilton, or the United Nations.

I do, however, acknowledge the right of those things to exist, no matter how many times I’ve wished for them not to.

( I realize that “right to refuse service” signs don’t give businesses the right to discriminate arbitrarily. There has to be Just Cause-or some other fancy legal term, I’m sure- for them to be able to actually refuse service or kick someone out. I am aware that some people would use this as an excuse for racial, religious, or social bigotry, which is not only illegal but pretty damn stupid. My opinion here is only pertaining to the “no kids” kerfluffle. Don’t be hatin’, mmmkay?)


4 thoughts on “In Which I Lose Readers and/or Get Laughed At By Lawyers

  1. My idea to make millions: I’m going to open a restaurant, a decent one (think a bit nicer than Applebees), which has a daycare center in the middle of it. The daycare is going to be surrounded by double-sided mirrors in which only folks (parents) in the restaurant can see into the daycare. Couples can go have a nice dinner – child free, but know that their child is being cared for because they can SEE them. Charge perhaps $8 per hour for care, plus a typical decent kids-sized meal to feed the kiddos. Food wouldn’t have to be fabulous – it would be more about the atmosphere and having a decent dinner with your spouse (or just a girls night out) for a couple of hours. Thoughts?

  2. Haha I agree with you on every single point except the uggs and wedges. I love both to pieces. If my kids can’t act right they can’t go out. No one wants to be disrupted by kids, parents should just use their common sence. If it’s like a chain restaurant, they are real idiots. If it’s a 5 star restaurant and you knowingly take your out of control kids, then good job fools, you ruined it for the well behaved younger foodies

      1. 🙂 thanks for getting my point. If restaurants want to hurt themselves or cater to those who prefer to dine without Mac n Cheese, it’s their loss.

        …and yeah, I’ve denied my own kids access to restaurants b/c of their behavior. “You guys wanna be difficult? Okay. No Chuck E. Cheez tonight. We’ll try again next week.” and that place caters to bratty little kids. (it also smells terrible. Ever notice that?)

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