I really, really don’t want to be skinny.
Yeah, I joined Weight Watchers, but not to get model-skinny. My weight had ballooned until my knees hurt and I couldn’t run the way I wanted to. Also, I ate Krispy Kreme like rabbits eat carrots, so…ya…I needed some guidance with my eating habits. I’ve lost 20 pounds, a few dress sizes, and my knees don’t hurt anymore. I’m not done losing weight, but today I saw something that really made me pause.
I saw a skinny girl try to do Zumba.
Let me be clear about something: skinny girls cannot Zumba. It’s a mechanical impossibility.
Yeah, they can move their feet, and their bones to the music…sort of…but it’s a lot like watching “Dem Bones” on PBS. (remember that cartoon short? all angles, black back ground, and smiling skulls?)
To do Zumba, you gotta have a booty. I don’t mean a butt, ’cause everybody has a butt. Your Grandma has a butt. I’m talking Junk in your Trunk, jiggle-juggle booty. You gotta have thighs and curves. And yeah…you gotta have hips. Boobs help.
Why is meat on your bones required equipment? ‘Cause there’s nothing sexy about a skeleton. Zumba is sexy. Zumba is shakin’ what your momma gave you…and perhaps whatever you’ve added with babies and Krispy Kreme and weight lifting. Zumba is movement, and while there are men who do it, it’s a decidedly feminine type of movement. Skinny, scrawny girls are not sexy on a good day. They look like twelve year old boys. Then, throw in some music and watch them try to cha-cha…what you have is…disturbing at best. Mostly it makes me laugh. And feel sorry for them. And want to offer them a sandwich with mayo and extra cheese.
Muscles on a chic are hot. A little jiggle in your britches is cute. Curves are a hallmark of womanhood.
Bones? Bones are for dogs to chew on. And even they prefer some meat.
Added after initial publication: since there’s nothing like opinions to get the blood pumping and people talking, here’s the original post after my first ever Zumba class. The purpose of the post “I Don’t Wanna be Skinny”, is to illustrate that sometimes it pays to be a bigger girl. As in “skinny girls don’t have all the fun.” As in “love your curves.” As in “pass the potatoes, I am hungry.”
(places hand on hip, raises eye brows) And if you interpret this as “this girl don’t like skinny girls” then, Gurrrrrl…you are wrong like leg warmers and monkey brains.