Running makes me Cuss

Dang it. Dang it all to heck. Dang it all straight to heck in a fecking jacquard hand-basket with gross-grain ribbon.

It’s that time of year again. That time of year when Runner’s World magazine starts advertising for The Marine Corps Marathon.

Fecking feck feckers.

Now comes my mental game of Badminton (I’m not sporty enough for tennis…not even in my head) trying to decide: “should I enter?” “should I pretend That Race doesn’t even exist?”

I do this every. damn. year.

Having entered twice, DNF’d twice, experienced the soul-crushing wait for the metro without a medal twice, you’d think I’d just quit worrying about it. You’d think I’d just decide: sign up or don’t.

Can I afford to fail a third time? The Metro ride to Pentagon Station at 5am…the back-of-the-pack wait (so far back, I don’t hear the National Anthem and the Howitzer sounds like a poodle fart)…

…and the guy who points at me, he at mile 8, me at mile 3 (bloody knees from having tripped on a discarded sweatshirt and already crying) before the turnaround in Georgetown, “See that? That lard-ass just made my day.”

I don’t know if I can do that again.

Yes, I can.

No, I can’t.

Yes. No. Y-


I’ve finished a full 26.2 before, so to do this one, I just need to get faster. I need to commit to my training. I need to focus and train and believe.

“I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do b-.”

Registration is at least $85. Plus gas, food, time…so what’s more costly? Not even trying and being pissed for another year? trying and failing again?

Son of a biscuit eater. I fecking hate this time of year.



12 thoughts on “Running makes me Cuss

  1. What??? Someone actually said that? What kind of egged up person calls someone an effing lard ass??? I am so mad right now. So effing mad and disgusted! Ugh! People can be so hurtful!

    Enough about that a-hole…. You should do it. I think you have to try again. I don’t know what those other two races must have felt like but I don’t think you should ever stop trying.

    1. I can still see that guy’s face. I could pick him and the guy that yelled “hurry up, fat-ass!” during a 10 miler out of a line up. I wonder if they ever thought about the long-lasting effects of their caustic words? …probably not.

      I have until 7Mar to decide. Registration closes crazy-fast for this race (I track it…such is my obsession).

      Thanks for being supportive, dear friend! #friendlystalker

  2. No, of course, there must be other freakin’ challenges that make you less ….. Well, how should I say this? Less….less okay, less freakin cranky. Go for the others. You will still be living with yourself. Don’t waste your precious time worrying about missing a year at that one.

  3. Do it. Not for the bad reasons, but for the joy of it. 🙂 Or don’t do it. For the joy of not doing it. 🙂

    I’m, like, the most helpful friend EVER.

  4. After this post I don’t think you CAN’T do it! This is like major foreshadowing of an extremely challenging, heart wrenching, and victorious event. Do it, do it! I want to run vicariously through you 😉

    If you don’t do it of course I’ll still love you to pieces! Great writing, very visual!!

  5. WHAaaaaa . . . T?!!!

    #1- I can’t believe you would even THINK about NOT doing it?!! THIS is not Yert! Don’t I recall you cussing some chick in a parking lot because her friend in fact WAS capable of doing such? Mmmhhhmmm.

    #2 – Didn’t you arrive in DC at something like 3am prior to running one of these? Ya, perhaps that might have hindered a bit, ya think?

    #2 – You will have more support this year than ever. Ya, not only me, but TOG is usually tasked with a water station.

    #3 – Even if you did register and decided not to do it, I can think of worse ways to waste $85.

    #4 – Haven’t you since completed the OBX?

    #5 – You’ve been running! You’ve been working out! You are in GREAT shape! Two words: “wedding dress!” Has something happened in the last 3 days?

    #6 – You let some MotherFrecker say something like that when I’m around. I swear it on my life. I’ll show him what a lard-ass looks like! . . . when I SIT ON HIM!!

    So, there are SIX reasons for you to do it. And you’re going to let something like “I’m scared” make you not do it. Put on the BGP’s my dear. You got this one!

  6. how about this—do it and try to be the last one to finish. not in a negative way—but rather, make finishing the marathon the goal. just finishing. . . finishing. completing. next year worry about taking time off your finishing time. baby steps. let us know what you decide!!

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