Freebasing Reese’s PeanutButterCups

So…
Easter happened.

In addition to celebrating the Risen Savior at church for four days in a row, I also ate my weight in bunny-brought candy.

Not just any jaw-breaking, old-lady-coffee-table, obligatory jelly bean candy. No, sir. Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. mmmmmmm…

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (RPBC) are to the candy isle what Hot Topic is to the mall: The Only Reason to Go There.

I should not be rolling around naked eating so many RPBC. I have a half marathon in 19 days. It’s my first ever trail half marathon; peanut butter may be a viable source of nutrition, but chocolate isn’t really conducive to effective training.

What really concerns me about the race is the disturbing lack of porta potties on the course. I’m told that trail races don’t have “facilities” except at the start/finish areas. This is bad.

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I, like, need bathrooms on a race course. I become the Pooping Godzilla of Doom after mile 8. My guts revolt against me, punishing me for deluding myself with athletic dreams of any kind. Once, while out on a run, I had to go soooooper bad. I had no TP, but the tree I’d chosen to hide behind had lovely broad leaves. Being a bit of a country mouse, I was not too proud to use a leaf. Mother Nature, though, harbors much ill will for WayWard Poopers.

Poison Sumac does hideous things to an undercarriage.

This is why my diet of RPBC is not acceptable right now. I need to regulate my guts with healthy foods and “git on tha’ r’glar.” I don’t have an aversion to using The Great Outdoors, but I’d rather not do it within earshot of 350 people on a trail. Plus, digging a cat hole will seriously hinder the PR I’d like to set…

So, after today, no more ambrosia RPBC. Lots of water and good food. Yep. Just milage increases and ITB stretching and yoga.

(this last cup doesn’t count…)

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One thought on “Freebasing Reese’s PeanutButterCups

  1. If it frequently happens to you on long runs, then I’d make sure to limit high-fiber foods and even possibly take some Immodium the morning of your event. However, taking that could make you have stomach cramps without being able to relieve yourself of them, which will definitely make the running an unpleasant experience. So take the advice with a boulder of salt. Good luck!

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